Season 4: Ep. 4 Practice vs. Perfection: What's Clear & What's Less Important
Welcome to the parent matters podcast. I'm Susan Stutzman, host of the podcast, a child therapist, and the owner of kid matters counseling. In this podcast, I offer you my thoughts on what is clearer to me and what is less important to me around a specific parenting topic, and today's topic is practice and perfection. So what's clearer? Practice is a way to make progress, not to become perfect.
Susan:Let me say that again. This is clearer to me. Practice is a way to make progress, not to become perfect. And then what's less important? Well, it's being perfect or even trying to appear perfect to others.
Susan:Practice has been ingrained as a way to achieve a goal, but I don't know if I have worked a goal ever in my life without feeling like I can't celebrate my achievement for long, if at all, before there's another goal or standard to work towards. And to me, this feels exhausting. Like, I can never be enough. As I've gotten older, this concept has become a glaring reality, specifically because no matter how hard I try, I am not able to parent perfectly. My children remind me daily of this fact, and even if they didn't, I would know it.
Susan:And I know, I know there's no such thing as a perfect parent, but it sure would be nice to get close to always responding perfectly or never losing it. Or how about always being intentional with my children or being the role model they need when they need it? I want to be a good mom. So how do I become one? Especially with the reality that no matter how hard I try, I will never be perfect.
Susan:Well, what's clear is that I need to practice. And practicing parental responses with intentionality and realizing that practice is to aid progress to get us closer to who or how we desire to be. It's clear that practicing small changes over time so that I can produce progress that I may never have thought possible is the key. It's about consistency, and consistency can make a big impact if done with intention. So I've come to the realization that it is less important to practice for perfection than it is to practice for progress.
Susan:As a way to help me work to progress, I have found a practice chart for parents that I've been utilizing to prompt consistency as I work to progress in my parenting. It's a helpful and playful way to remind me to practice more of what I want to be and to show as I parent. It's a way to set goals towards intentionally hugging my children or taking more breaths before I talk or respond. It's a way to intentionally practice doing silly things with my kids or modeling apology when I get upset. This chart is by no means a way to become perfect, but serves as a great reminder to me of the changes I want to make in my parenting.
Susan:It's up on my fridge, and by practicing it with my kids and by celebrating growth and delighting in my small wins, I have found myself parenting more ways I want to. And at the end of the day or week, I have a little log that helps me review my goals, and it's in the form of a chart. And I can see my progress towards those goals while reflecting on the journey of parenting. And as you can imagine, not all weeks are the same, but the practice of intentionality is changing me and my momming practices. Well, there you have it.
Susan:This week's thoughts on what is clearer and what's less important. I hope you found some of my journey helpful to you. Thank you for joining me here by listening to the parent matters podcast where life is ever evolving and we need each other. This is a journey not meant to be gone through alone. It's the world's hardest job.
Susan:Don't parent alone. All opinions expressed on this podcast are personal and do not constitute professional advice.
